Own It

I made a mistake.  I am human.  Humans make mistakes.  But I learned, and I bounced back. I did it today.  I should have done it long ago.  But I did it today.  I should have done it last week.  Last month.  Six months ago.  But I did it today.  I learned in the process.  I learned over those days, weeks, months.  And now I have those days, weeks, months to reflect back on, to analyze, to commit to memory what not to do next time.  I have those days, weeks, months to look back on and to ask where my mind was, where my state of awareness was, how far out of reality I was, why I let myself get so far out, and how I ever expected “that” to remotely work out.  And I’ll learn, as I look back, about patterns I have that I shouldn’t, patterns of thought and reasoning that do not serve my interest going forward, that are detrimental to me.  It's all good.  I didn’t die, didn’t get sick, didn’t have a traumatic lifestyle change, didn’t hurt anyone— I think I just annoyed them a lot.  I just went through something.  Quietly.  And I got to say that I am sorry.  And I got to say that I would change.  And if no one else believes me, at least I do.  Which is all that really matters.