I wanted to let this pain pass through. I wanted to find a way to let it, without stopping it, to let it just flow through my heart. I no longer wished for it to stick and linger. I found the answer in a Bruce Lee podcast, in which his daughter lectured on his philosophy of being like water. Water is shapeless, formless, letting anything pass through and restoring back to it’s centered, peaceful state in the same moment. I wanted to restore in the moment. I wanted to let anything pass through and get back to a centered, peaceful state in the same moment.
I studied. I applied. I felt it. Then I wished to program the ability to restore in the moment—a sensation I had experienced over and over again in fleeting moments over a few weeks—to a constant.
“You are powerful,” Jade said from her chair. I was under. She had put me into a state of complete relaxation. I felt the calmness in this session. It was beautiful. I felt my mind being upgraded with a new, fluid operating system. “You are strong, you are water, you are resilient,” she went on. Jade was feeding me suggestions while in this calm, open state. I heard everything around me and felt the air around me but did not connect with it. I let my mind just open up and receive. No structure this time, no imagining myself anywhere, doing anything. My mind just accepted. I felt shapeless, formless, as water is. I felt transparent, as she suggested I was. I didn’t have to do anything but be there. And when it was over, I was exactly what I wanted to be.
November 11, 2018