wishing i could have all those years back.
I spent thirty-five years of my life as a devout Mormon. I followed the doctrines and did all within my power to live up to the expectations of those I respected as my spiritual leaders. I subscribed to one core thought, the one which governed my entire perception of the rest of humanity. That core thought was “No success can compensate for failure in the church.” The church being the kingdom, and no success being anything that anyone in the world did that did not have to do with being a devout member of my church. That meant, at its deepest, that anything, absolutely anything, that any human did, was not of any significance to the plans of God, according to what the Mormons were sure He had in store for humankind.
Out of the thirteen or so million Mormons at the time, I felt that I was part of the twenty percent that really had it together and would attain that celestial glory we were promised each Sunday from the pulpit. Then my eyes opened at the age of forty-five and I stepped out of the organization. I had finally realized that I was a member of humanity, a person counted as one of nearly seven-billion. I had been disconnected from the rest of the human race for more than half my life. I had denied myself a connection to some amazing men and women that had friended me during those decades.
I don’t care about the afterlife anymore. I care about what I see, and what I feel, and how I can help others. I wish to connect in some way, to help humanity in some way. The ideas are beginning to flow. I just hope to have enough time to see some of them take hold.