Let’s say you are in a multi-decades long relationship and you feel your spouse still does not understand you. Well, maybe your spouse does, and you just can’t connect because you don’t understand yourself. It isn’t easy to see ourselves as we are. We look in the mirror and we see what we want to be, not who we are. We think the rest of humanity sees us as we imagine ourselves from within to be, but they don’t. No one can see us through our eyes and back into them. Especially us. We can’t see what everyone else sees. We see ourselves making decisions to do things every day. We can’t watch ourselves do the same thing every day. Others can. We can’t see our moments of doubt. Others can. Neither can we see our moments of empowerment. But others can. Perhaps this is why people break up. One party “can’t stand” the other. Or “can’t bear” to see the other “squander away their potential.” After all, people don’t often break up with themselves. (They do, in a very fatal way, but not as often as with each other).
I think if we could truly see ourselves as we are, and understand ourselves as our spouses do, then our relationships would most likely end much sooner, if they were ever going to end at all. I’m not sure our significant others want us to see our realities. I think they want us to have a dream stored inside our minds and see ourselves building that dream in the reality we perceive.
But it seems what applies to one applies to another, for the dream they see in our eyes gives others hope for their future. And it gives them a reason to have a dream, too, and not see themselves as we see them.